Thoughts on work

Today I went for a meeting. A meeting that was about me. After nearly 2 years it was very refreshing. I guess that is why work is important. It is a place that is about you and what you bring to the table. All other places it is a lot about how you are related to the table :) What I am trying to say is family will like you not only because you are good for the family, but largely because you are family. So a large part of self-esteem comes from making a mark outside of home.

Family is a setup that is so important to identity formation in the initial years. But later in life do you need to be out there to assert your identity? I don't know how generations of women managed. What did they derive their sense of accomplishment day-to-day? For someone like me, it is difficult to do that only sitting at home taking care of children, husband and house. For women, who are used to going out to work, does elf-esteem always take a beating when they take a break to look after their children?  

I am unable to write coherently as I am very sleepy. I thought I should put it down before the thought escapes my mind.

The only way to be

Today I received an email from a friend how inspiring my decision to quit work to look after D fulltime had been for her. It was a very touching compliment and I am very thankful for it. Another friend had written sometime back, how looking at D's pictures the first thought that comes to his mind is that she is a happy child. ...daughter of a Milk and Honey mother (this concept was given by a psychoanalyst Erich Fromm. According to him, milk symbolises the first aspect of love, that of care and affirmation. Honey stands for the sweetness of life, the happiness in being alive. He goes on to say that most mothers are capable of giving 'milk', but only a minority give 'honey' too. Hence the term 'Milk and Honey Mother'). I was so touched by his email that I must have read it at least 20 times. 

You know, people like us are used to feedback in our experiences in life. You write an exam, make a project, participate in extra-curricular activities etc, you have the results to tell you have done something worthwhile or screwed up. You work, you have colleagues, bosses, appraisals etc that tell you if you are upto the mark. Motherhood, on the other hand, just goes on without a comment. An extensive, challenging project without evaluation.

I have never stopped to think that I am doing anything great by staying home to look after D. I did it because it felt the most natural thing to do. I am thankful that I could afford to do it because we feel (I guess feel is the keyword) financially secure. H took on the responsibility of providing for us without us even discussing finances. 

I do (and did off and on) miss working, the opportunity to interact with like-minded people, getting out to get things done. But when I worked before D was born, I sometimes missed being able to just sleep in late and laze around, read books all day or visit my family when I felt like. It didn't make me chuck up my work and sit at home. We are always missing something or the other because we have experienced so much. It is the predominant feeling and thought that stay with you day in and day out is what counts. That feeling has largely been contentment. Amen!

Its now that I feel the urge to return to work very strongly. D goes to nursery and loves it. She can't wait to get out of the house with her father every morning. She goes just 2 mornings but we are being forced to increase it, she enjoys it so much. So work will happen too. All in good time.

Trying to be better

I realize I have been a very poor blogger. I spend far too much time reading and too little writing anything. That would make me a parasite, as per what I had read about the act of reading. I have been just feeding off others and creating nothing new. So, I have decided that I will post something everyday, even if its just a line.

I am tempted to end this post here as I have already written 5 lines. I will actually end it as the only way to get over a temptation is to yield to it! Thats 7 lines. Actually now its 8. Oh this can go on.

Celebrating..

Written on 12th Sep 2008

We celebrate H's birthday today. I don't know if he will cringe at this public post when he sees this when he checks my blog once in the next six months ( he just checked it last month).  Even if he does, I think he will feel happy to read all the nice things written about him. Or when he sees that I am dedicating 'Thank You' by Dido to him yet again.

Here's wishing you a very happy birthday and a great year with loads of fantastic movies, great books, enchanting new places and huge deals! And yes, D and I tag along in all these wonderful times that you enjoy.

Happy Birthday H. Thank God you were born. You rock my world.

Edited to add: I can't figure out why the date says 11th September. I posted it on 13th September.