The only way to be

Today I received an email from a friend how inspiring my decision to quit work to look after D fulltime had been for her. It was a very touching compliment and I am very thankful for it. Another friend had written sometime back, how looking at D's pictures the first thought that comes to his mind is that she is a happy child. ...daughter of a Milk and Honey mother (this concept was given by a psychoanalyst Erich Fromm. According to him, milk symbolises the first aspect of love, that of care and affirmation. Honey stands for the sweetness of life, the happiness in being alive. He goes on to say that most mothers are capable of giving 'milk', but only a minority give 'honey' too. Hence the term 'Milk and Honey Mother'). I was so touched by his email that I must have read it at least 20 times. 

You know, people like us are used to feedback in our experiences in life. You write an exam, make a project, participate in extra-curricular activities etc, you have the results to tell you have done something worthwhile or screwed up. You work, you have colleagues, bosses, appraisals etc that tell you if you are upto the mark. Motherhood, on the other hand, just goes on without a comment. An extensive, challenging project without evaluation.

I have never stopped to think that I am doing anything great by staying home to look after D. I did it because it felt the most natural thing to do. I am thankful that I could afford to do it because we feel (I guess feel is the keyword) financially secure. H took on the responsibility of providing for us without us even discussing finances. 

I do (and did off and on) miss working, the opportunity to interact with like-minded people, getting out to get things done. But when I worked before D was born, I sometimes missed being able to just sleep in late and laze around, read books all day or visit my family when I felt like. It didn't make me chuck up my work and sit at home. We are always missing something or the other because we have experienced so much. It is the predominant feeling and thought that stay with you day in and day out is what counts. That feeling has largely been contentment. Amen!

Its now that I feel the urge to return to work very strongly. D goes to nursery and loves it. She can't wait to get out of the house with her father every morning. She goes just 2 mornings but we are being forced to increase it, she enjoys it so much. So work will happen too. All in good time.