Caesarean story

When I was due to deliver, I remember, how frantically I would search for these stories looking for information and assurance. I have always wanted to put down the story of the birth of my daughter. I have not done so, partly due to laziness, and partly due to my feeling of it being too personal to be put on my blog, which is not really an intimate blog. Today I saw this and I decided I must put it down because I am sure it will be of use to someone.

I had a hassle free pregnancy and was all set for a normal delivery, because I had done everything I could and nothing ever goes wrong in my life! I had been fairly regular with walks, yoga and practicing Lamaze breathing techniques (I had dragged H along for a twelve hour session). By the 31st week of my pregnancy, fetus was head down and I was all set. Then on 15th January (I was over 37 weeks pregnant then) as I lay on the ultrasound table grinning at H without a care in the world, the doctor says, “Do you know that your baby’s head is up?” It took me a while to understand. Then she repeated, “Its breech.” I looked at H lost and said to the doc, “It was already head down.” As the realization sunk in I asked her, “What does this mean, caesarean?” She said yes. And tears started flowing down my cheeks. H tried to console, the doctor tried to explain that its not a big deal and it is the safe thing to do but I wouldn’t stop and kept feeling bad for being so out of control.

My gynecologist also confirmed that its too late in the pregnancy for breech to reverse but they will anyways try for normal delivery as far as possible. I was beyond disappointed. After doing everything I could, I felt a little betrayed. Having read so much on virtues of natural birth etc, I felt as if I would forego an essential experience of my life and start my child off on the wrong foot.

After crying some more on H’s shoulders and moping around, I went into an information collection overdrive. I read up as many caesarean stories as I could. I decided not to look at the anti-caesarean articles, stories etc. There was no point now. Reading up on the positive stories helped me like nothing else could. A friend told me that she had had both and much preferred the caesarean. I was soon over my disappointment and was preparing for the birth of my child. I was not the one to give up though. I tried all those tricks that I read to help the baby turn. Tricks like putting ear-phones to the stomach and playing music (there would be mad bout of kicks when I did that), or putting my feet up on a plank etc etc. H was an amused party to them when I needed his help.

On 24th January I went for a check-up. After checking me up the doctor told us that baby was still breech and there was little chance of that correcting. She also advised us that we should go in for a planned caesarean rather than waiting for labor as complications may arise then. To this day I don’t know what she saw while checking me up that made her say that. My father, a surgeon himself, was completely on her side. I tried saying that we can wait till my due date but really my heart was not in it. I had prepared myself for a caesarean. I still wept like a baby (!) in the doctor’s chamber with the doc, H and Papa trying to comfort me. The doc said something like, the scar will be so low down and light that I can even wear a bikini later. That was some comfort!

A date was set for 3 days later and I lost my sleep. No matter how prepared you are, the excitement of finally getting to meet the baby and the anxiety over an impending surgery unnerves you. In response my dear fetus, who is now my darling animal-sound making daughter, went to a kicking overdrive. Especially the night before the c-sec, she kicked all night long and I slept for maybe few minutes. We were already in the hospital as the c-sec was scheduled for 6 am. H who had planned to stay up all night and wake me up at 4 am when the nurses were to come in for preparations, slept soundly. I lay awake excitedly waiting to meet the baby in a few hours. Yes, by now, all fears of a surgery were gone; the baby was all I could think off.

The surgery was a breeze. My doctor came to see me in my room and accompany me to the OT. She is a really sunshiny kind of person and laughed and joked with me as I told her how I had dreamt that my baby was reading a book (which was quite a prediction I must say, that is all that she does now). Anyways it was quite a party with H, mummy, sis, in-laws, bro-in-law all accompanying me as I was being wheeled towards the OT. I went in and the anesthetist staff set to work before the main anesthetist and my doctor came in. The anesthetist was lovely. She stroked my hair and told me I how cute and baby-like I looked. A fully bloated overweight pregnant woman just needs to hear that to forget everything else. Neotany and all that! It was a spinal anesthesia. I didn’t feel anything, not that I remember any of it. And as the surgery went on I heard everything and knew what was happening as I had read up so much on it. I was completely at ease. I did feel nauseous in between and told the anesthetist. They adjusted the oxygen and I was fine.

Before I knew it, I heard “It’s a girl” and heard my baby cry. Then they brought her to me. As she gazed at me with her bright eyes, I felt that hers was the most perfect face I had ever seen. I stroked her cheeks and said, “Hi darling. You are so sweet.” Then they took her away. I was worried that they would feed her something, but H was right at his job (we have it on camera) telling anyone who would care to listen that they should not give the baby anything before I got a chance to feed her.

Anyways, after lying in the recovery area (uselessly I thought) for quite some time I was wheeled out near the entrance of the OT where I could see H peering in through the small opening in the door. I blew him kisses! Yes I was not feeling the pain yet. The pain came at about noon and man, it came like a flood. I refused the painkillers as often as they were advised. The pain was bad that day and eased the next day. By the third day I was only feeling it when I moved. I was also able to breastfeed from the word go. I feared that I would not be able to breastfeed, as I had heard that having a caesarean reduces the chances of successful breastfeeding. My daughter had nothing else, not even water, till she was 6 months old.

The point of saying all this is not to promote having a caesarean. I just want to reassure all those women who have to have it, that it is not a monster and does not blotch motherhood in any way. It is not natural but it is also a lifesaver. My conclusion at the end of my experience is that just like doctors are accused of being scissor-happy I feel the natural birth brigade (of which I am a part) goes on an overdrive extolling the virtues of a normal delivery and condemning caesareans. This leaves women who miss the chance of a natural birth process feeling miserable and inadequate. Acceptance and mental preparation add greatly to make a caesarean birth as happy and celebratory as the normal one.