Home Beckons

We are off to India in two days. I am so looking forward to it. I never realized how much I missed being in India until the days to go home drew near. The thought of meeting my family and feeling the comfort and warmth that only being with them can bring, is making my heart smile. There is lots to look forward to. A wedding, festivals and weather which doesn't make me check the temperature every time we step out.

I am terribly excited for D too. She is going to be spend time with people who think she is the most precious thing. Moreover, she is going meet her cousins. She is going to have a ball and return thoroughly pampered and spoilt.

Stepping beyond

We knew we would put D in a nursery setup soon. Living by ourselves, without the benefit of an army of cousins for D to interact with, we thought it would be good for her. The added benefit being a slow introduction to life with Mama out of sight for a few hours. Moving to London just made that decision easier. First the quality of nurseries here is quite good and very actively regulated. Moreover, with no help to manage the house, there was no way I could entertain her as much as she wanted me to.

A month after we moved to London, I found out about the various nurseries in the area, mainly over the internet. I had begun taking D to story-telling sessions in the local library as soon as we moved here. I got a few tips from mothers there. I shortlisted a few and began visiting them one by one with D in tow. I also considered home-based care (Known as child-minders in UK) where a much smaller number of children (maximum 8, generally 4-5) are looked after by a carer at her home. 

After much thought and discussion with H we opted with a new nursery a bit far off (about 2 kms) from our house. A few things I looked for as I visited the nurseries

• Did the kids look happy? Did D look happy?
  
• Did the employees look happy?
  
• Was it clean?
  
• Were they flexible enough to feed or rock the children if needed?
  
• How committed was the manager? How did D react to her? Did I feel comfortable with her? Are the adults in charge paying attention to D or only interested in talking to me?
  
• Did the nursery offer half-day session? Many established ones only offered full-day care.
  
• Were there enough checks and balances to see that kids would be well looked after. Child-minders were out due to this reason. With only one adult in the house, you never know what goes on. Taking care of children is exasperating. Sometimes I feel like giving D one tight one. It takes all my willpower not to act on this feeling. Also as I feel this, I look at her beautiful face and my heart melts.

In the end we opted for the present nursery as it had fewer children so we hoped D would get more attention and would feel less overwhelmed. It also mattered to us that the person who had set this nursery up was herself managing it. It wasn't a job for her. It was her passion. Having worked in an entrepreneurial setup, I know what a big difference that makes.

D was taking to each place we visited extremely well. She would refuse to return from these visits. When we began the settling in process at her present nursery (lets call it W) I stayed with her for an hour on the first day. She went headlong into playing with the toys and other kids. I sat there watching her and feeling so proud. She is such a confident child. It truly is a pleasure watching her interact with the world as if it was made to order for her. Anyways, she paid no attention to me there. The next day I sat in the room for half an hour and then said bye to her and left. She looked at me as if to say 'Don't disturb me'. I sat in a cafe close to her nursery, and I was so nervous, I could not read beyond two sentences of the book I was trying to read. I had never left her like this except with family, who D knows and loves. In the end I gave up and returned earlier than in I needed. I found her happily playing. Whew! What a relief. She had been happily playing all the while. The next day I left her there for a longer time so that she could have lunch with all the kids. I returned to find her eyes and nose red. She saw me and started sobbing. Apparently, one of the kids had been howling his lungs out throughout (he still was when I returned). D had been happily playing for an hour and a half. Then the howling got to her and she started crying.

Once we were out of the nursery, she wanted to return. Whenever we asked her at home if she wanted to go to the nursery, she would nod her head vigorously. But once we reached there she would cling and start crying "Mama, mama." Seeing her cry like that was like a little stab in the heart. I would hang around outside the door to see if she stopped crying. She always did in 2-3 minutes and then would be fine afterwards. When I returned to take her home, she would give a little sob and put her lips. 

After the first few days, H started dropping her. After 2-3 days, she stopped crying. We were ecstatic, but I think the adults she was getting used to in her room went on holiday and that upset her. So the crying began again. She would only cry when H dropped her. Her nursery nurses said that she would be absolutely fine in a few minutes. But her crying really upset me. Everytime H called to say that she howled 'Mama, mama' when he left her, my heart would sink and I wouldn't be able to do anything and run off to collect her earlier than required.

Anyways, ultimately the crying stopped. I think it took 8 days for the crying to stop completely. I think it would have stopped much earlier had she been going for more days per week (she was doing 2 mornings a week), and if there had been no changes in the adults in-charge in her room. Just before she stopped crying, I had spent a lot of time the previous evening talking to her about the nursery and explaining the whole process of Papa dropping her, and how she should say bye and blow kisses and then go off to hug her friends and play in the water tray. I also told her that I would come and bring her home after she had eaten her lunch. I repeated the same thing as I got her ready in the morning. It worked like magic! Maybe I just told her all this when she was ready to stop crying anyways. Whatever it is, it is such a relief to see her so happy in the nursery. She is raring to go everyday and doesn't like it when H leaves for office without taking her to the nursery. When I bring her back home, she is happily singing and talking to herself. It gives me the much needed break to get other things done, so that on days that she doesn't go to nursery I can just sit with her at the window and hear her point to 'boughoy' (boy), geel (girl) and beeya (bhaiya)!