Being Evil

Returning to the blog after a long time. I have been too lazy and would have continued to be so had a guilt not seized me. The guilt of being evil. I have realized that I am not the kind and loving soul that I thought I was. D has made me realize that. I have been an evil mother. And I come to you blog to confess.

When D asks me to read her book out, I mouth the words without actually voicing them just to confuse her. In my defense this happened when she thrust the book for the 14th time in a span of 20 minutes. To her credit she kept at it relentlessly inspite of my evil ways. So I kept mouthing the entire book 5 more times.

I serve myself crunchy chips with lunch. When D hears the sound, she crawls to me speedily and asks for her share. I feed her rice and dal. The expression on her face is priceless. She turns away and I again eat the chips. She quickly turns back, stands up to come near my face and starts eating my cheek. I laugh my head off.

She loves to eat the strings of her sweatshirt hood. I throw them back. She goes berserk rotating her head and throwing her hand behind her trying to get the string back. Though I do it to prevent her from swallowing a part of the string, I must admit that I also find her reaction very very amusing.

I guess Santa is not getting me any gifts this year!

The coolest thing....

This is the coolest thing. I am sitting in Bihar and updating my blog from my mobile phone over gprs. Mighty thrilled. Though typing on the phone is a pain.

Change of Name in the Indian Passport

I thought I would do a post on the list of things to keep in mind if one wants to get the name changed in one's passport. I am somewhat qualified to do the post as I managed to successfully get this done in the fifth attempt. After much anger, frustration and generally cursing the world for creating passports I have realized that the fault lay with me. I hope this post will help someone else avoid multiple trips to the passport office. This is based on my experience at the Bangalore Passport Office.

1. Do not trust anyone else (not even the website of the Passport Office - the currency of information is not the most recent moreover all the required information in not very well crosslinked) for the documents. Call up the passport office and confirm what you have learnt. You will have try the phone a few times before you get through.I had to return the first time as the passport office no longer accepted property tax receipts as address proof.

2. Its best to have a Passport Information Booklet at hand to help with the format of affidavits etc to be produced. In my case, we got format of the affidavit for change of name wrong even though we had taken help from agents to get it done.

3. Keep in mind the cultural considerations. What is easily considered a surname in Bihar will not be accepted as the surname in Karnataka. I failed to convince the passport officer that my father could not be called Kumari for reasons as basic as gender.

4. Take care to fill the form carefully - Surname should go in the correct column. Even if it is in the correct column, how your name appears in the previous passport dictates how it appears in the new passport. Do not assume that simply by filling the form in desired manner, the changes will be done. Apply for the relevant service (bifurcation of name, change of surname on account of marriage, change of name etc.) with the relevant documents. My previous passport had both my given name and surname in the Given Name column and thats how it went in the new passport. Then I tried the bifurcation of name route but that failed too. I finally had to go for a full fledged name change in the form of an affidavit and ads in the newspaper.

4. The web registration system available at Bangalore is good but you cannot apply for Tatkaal having registered on the web. You will have to queue up physically, get a token number and then apply. It is best to reach the passport office early - around 7 am or so to get your place in the queue. There are chairs so you can sit and work or read during the wait time. H reached the passport office at around 7:30 am. D and myself reached at around 10 am, just in time to collect our coupons. We were 50th in the line and our work took less than 2 hours thereafter.

Overall the Bangalore Passport office is pretty efficient and the process is really hassle free if you take care of producing correct documents and apply for the right service.

I smile to myself

...as I watch D play. She plays in her tent with her back towards me. She kneels to reach something, loses her balance and falls on one of the walls of the tent, accidently pressing the button for music. The music plays in her tent, she rotates her upper body to look at me with such wonder and joy that I still can't stop smiling. May the sense of wonder always stay with you darling!

Romance is in the air

She sees me lying next to her, gives me a broad smile, crinkles her eyes, rolls over to come near me, opens her mouth and starts eating whatever part of my body that her mouth can reach. I guess this is love. The beginning of love! Ah D is the gal after my own heart!

This is about others

Just my luck! I was all fired up to write a rabid post this afternoon after reading an interview of a 25 year old investment banker who apparently earns 2 crores a year. I did not get a chance all day and now Rediff has removed that piece from the website. Good sense finally prevailed.

To give you the gist, this chap is a BBA from some school in Toronto who is making a lot of money and doing little else in life. Why was he featured in Rediff I have no idea. He gloats about the fact that he works all the time, rushes out of parties at weekends at 2-3 am to attend to his boss's requests blah blah.

Anyways what really got my goat was when at some point in the interview he said something to this effect- "When I started, I was earning only 6 lakhs a year. So I have done that (meaning struggled). I have travelled by bus and taxi." Oh! You poor sod! I hope the guys at the ration shop gave you your supplies at the right time. Hope you didn't go hungry.

What are we talking about? How much is enough? And what use is even 100 crores if you can't enjoy a party on a weekend? How can money drive anyone so if he can do little else?

I guess, I am a big one for a great personal life because when I pay attention to what the old people are saying I get a feeling that what remains with them is not the thrill of making pots of money but small and big joys that have come their way with loved ones, the satisfaction of having done something for others, contributed in some way.

A toast to all those who succeed in making their lives multi-dimensional and not just a green line.

Since this blog is all about me...

.. I decided to tag myself from here and decided to do a list of my favorite things.

1. Water (drinking)
2. Red clothes (maroonish red)
3. Reading on a beach or a misty hill station and with H by my side
4. A walk in the cool crisp morning air
5. Fresh flowers in my house
6. Getting together with my sisters (especially at my childhood home)
7. Paper cards -with deep meaningful words :-)
8. Open-air restaurant, good food, wine and scintillating conversation - together
9. Reading newspaper with a cup of tea in the morning in silence
10. The aroma in my father's room
    
11. Watching my mother laugh
12. Beautiful homes
13. Rice, Dal, Potato - together
14. A warm hug
15. H's Humor
16. Babies
17. My baby
18. A wash followed by combing of hair and application of nivea cream just before going to bed
19. Drinking tea in company especially that of my family
20. D's face breaking into a smile
21. Shayaris and Ghazals that I can understand
22. Engaging conversations while on long drives
23. Stopping at a Dhaba while on long drives, sitting on a charpai and eating Tadka Dal, Tandoori Roti and Onions.
24. Sitting silently in a lush green forest and listening to the sounds of leaves rustling and birds chirping
25. Holding hands
26. Bathing in the rain
    

Am sure there are many more but this is all my sleepy brain can put down.

We all fall down.

Written 3 years back on 16th August 2007.

But how can my daughter fall? As parents you believe that your child can come to no harm. Especially with young children, the feeling that as long as you take care of your child she is completely safe. But mistakes happen. And you do not have to be a hired help to commit them.

D fell from the bed today. She fell on her cheek and cried continuously for 5 mts. She rarely cries so that was something. After giving her a massage, I left her on the bed surrounded by pillows and layers of sheets on all sides. Then I went to the bathroom to prepare her bath. I must have been in the bathroom for 30 seconds. Then I hurried out worried that she may fall off. I looked into the room just as she was falling off the bed.

She cried and cried. I was worried if she had broken some bones. I moved all her limbs, but the crying didn't intensify. Then when she didn't stop crying I knocked at the neighbour T's door.

We took her to the doc. As soon as the doc saw her he said - Oh my God! And my heart sank! Her left cheek was red as an apple. He checked everything and pronounced her unharmed. And then I cried.

Got an eye on you...

...and its an evil one!

I do not understand this evil eye business. Ever since D was born I have resisted countless suggestions and admonitions about putting some black somewhere on her person. The arguments run on the lines of - "she is so chubby, you should put something to ward off drishti", "there are so many women around who don't and can't have children, kuchh kaala daal yaar iss par."..... All these coming from well educated women.

I refuse to do so. I do not believe that anyone is evil and refuse to begin my daughter's life with this burden of mistrust in others. First of all why would anyone want ill for an innocent child? And even if they did, how can they cause harm just by looking at her? And even if they can how can a small black dot repel such a strong effort to harm her?

I personally dislike this evil eye business and I think it is just a symptom of the mistrusting and quarreling race that we are.

For the record

I signed up for the Landmark Forum course today and (I think) forced H to do so too. My friend A has been after me to attend the introduction and then decide about the Forum. He appeared to be more interested in enrolling H than me.

I will be attending the course on 14, 15, 16 and 18 Sep. It is quite ambitious as these are 9am-11pm affairs and I don't know how D is going to take it. I will have to begin training her from now.

I am writing this post to record why I am doing this course. This way I can come back after the course and see what I have achieved and which notions of mine were misplaced. The main reason I am doing this course is because I am curious. Most of my ex-colleagues did this course and have been raving about it. I have personally seen people (at least one person) becoming more effective after the course. And another person decided to entirely change his career at the age of 48 years. I have often wondered what they do there? Time to find answers. Besides I am hoping that this course will help me understand myself better and therefore help me respond to everything better.

Tall order!

Whats in a name

Passport Officer: Kumari is not your surname.
Me: It is my surname. It has been my surname all my life.
PO: No, it is your given name.
Me: (tired laughter) I was given the name Monika. Kumari is the surname.
PO: No you are changing your name. Please take out ad in the paper and then come with paper clippings.
Me: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

This name change business is driving me nuts. Moral of the story - Parents please do not keep placeholders for your daughter's surname to be filled in by her Husband. It can make her run to the passport office many times and make her mad!

Having a baby changes everything

Written on 31st July 2007. D was a baby :)

Was going through a friend's blog, and the campaign by J&J called "Having a Baby Changes Everything" came to mind.

This campaign hasnt been launched in India and I wonder why? Does this insight not apply in our culture. Does life not change as much after having a baby in India as much as it does in the west? Is it possible that in the traditional Indian Joint family setup, it may not. The mother is oppressed before she has a baby and remains oppressed after. The baby becomes another tool to subjugate her. And the father remains the same man who has to show minimal invovement in his "own little" family consisting of wife and child in the interest of displaying loyalty to the larger family consisting of parents, grandparents, sisters, brothers and their families. He still remains the man who enters the wife's room after its dark! Moreover, there are so many people to help out with the child that life after having a baby is not as starkly different.

Vacation - back to back continued...

Its been more than a week since we returned and haven't got my lazy self (yes I am decent:P) to complete the post on the vacation. The happier consequence of my laziness is that minor details are already fading from memory, so this post will not be unnecessarily long from 'just-back-from-holiday-enthusiasm'.

Day 1
After freshening up (this post describes what came before this) we stepped out of the hotel to take a walk by the beach. The Beach Road, as it is popularly called, is not really a long stretch. Man, was it crowded! I think the whole of Pondicherry descends on to this road on Sunday evening. Just as we got there we saw some sort of excitement near a statue of Mahatma Gandhi. It was a band. A band played and marched past the statue exactly at 7:30pm. I think they have it every Sunday. It wasn't really a spectacular show or anything but we felt good to be part of a ceremony.


After negotiating our way through the crowd we went to Hotel Promenade for dinner. They have two restaurants - one at the ground floor and the other one called "The Lighthouse" at the top floor. As soon as H heard "The Lighthouse" his eyes lit up. He was like this kid with a key to the toy store and walked to the lift as soon as a kid acting like a gentleman can. Fun eating inside the lighthouse, right? Wrong. Not in this lighthouse because the restaurant is really just a rooftop restaurant by the sea. The lighthouse is the next building and that too is a non-functional old one. Were we disappointed and was it hot!! The food was good though.

After dinner we went to a book sale near our hotel. This is where metaphors become real. H actually was a kid in a toy store. So many books at throwaway prices! D was acting up there as she was sleepy and I am not exaggerating when I say that I had to call out to H five times to drag him out of the place.

Day 2
D woke me up early. I tried to keep her occupied with toys in the bed for quite sometime but relented just in time to save my eye from being plucked out of the socket. Yes she is a peaceful loving child! I took her out to enjoy the 200 hundred-year-old tree in the courtyard. The lady at the reception (lets call her R) came over to play with D. After some coo chi cooing the conversation went like this:

R: John uncle will come down now. You want to talk to him?
D: Goo...gooo...froooo.....(a lot of spit blown in the air)
Me: (Wondering when D made friends with this waiter called John)
R: You want to say hello to John uncle
D: Goo...gooo...froooo.....(again a lot of spit blown in the air)
Me: (Smiling beatifically at the sweetness of my child)
R: You want to take photo with John uncle?
D: Goo...gooo...froooo.....(again a lot of spit blown in the air)
Me: (Wondering why would D take a photo with John the waiter and then realizing that something was amiss.) Are you talking about John Abraham?
R: Yes.
Me: (Doing a little dance in my head) Arre...I want to take photo with John uncle.

I dashed inside the room to tell H to come out soon. But before he could John Abraham came down from his room and went for his shooting. D and I met him and also took photo. Oh I am completely star struck!

The major excitement of the day over, we had a leisurely breakfast in the courtyard and lazed around all day reading and playing with D. In the evening we went shopping. We were told that Casa Blanca and Titanic are good place to shop for western wear. There is also a Hidesign seconds outlet. We went to all three and liked Titanic the best. Was also told that Pondicherry is famous for cotton materials and that Nehru Street is the place to shop for that.

We sat by the beach for all of five minutes on our way back. Those five minutes will be imprinted on my mind forever (even if they don't I have it here on my blog). The look of delight on D’s face is indescribable. I don't know if it was the cool breeze or something else that caught her fancy. She just wouldn't stop smiling. And with her eyes crinkled up and all, her delight was infectious. So, for five minutes we were three delighted people on the beach.

Day 3

Went to the Sri Aurobindo Paper Factory (this is in the Pondicherry town itself). They sell stuff there too. Lovely things.

After this we went to have lunch at Satsang. It was recommended in the Lonely Planet as a place to try the French cuisine. We didn't find the food too great.

In the afternoon we visited Auroville. Saw the Matrimandir.
The Matrimandir at Auroville

It was nice but it was so hot that we just wanted to escape to the comfort of our air-conditioned car. Yes we are completely Auroville-unworthy.


Day 4

In the afternoon we drove to Mahabalipuram. The drive is lovely and roads excellent. Reached Mahabalipuram in two hours. Called up a few places for accommodation on the way. After having lunch at Taj Fisherman's Cove, we checked out the Golden Sand's resort and then went and stayed in the Mamalla Beach Resort. Its a well kept place with a nice beach and a restaurant by the beach. The tariff was Rs 1200/- for standard room and Rs 1700/- for deluxe. The food was also alright.

Day 5
We left the resort late morning. The plan was to visit the Shore Temple and the Panch Rathas and then proceed towards Bangalore. We did visit these places and loved them but we were just short of getting toasted. It was so hot! Really rued not getting out early to see these places. They really deserved much more time than we gave them. The Shore Temple is an aesthetic masterpiece.

The Shore Temple at Mahabalipuram

We drove back from Mahabalipuram to Bangalore via Kanchipuram. Again the route is lovely and roads excellent. We had lunch at GRT Regency at Kanchipuram. Good food and great service. The drive from Mahabalipuram to Bangalore took us about six hours and was thoroughly enjoyable.

So this was a lovely vacation. As was the short getaway to Kerala the week before. Oh how I love travelling for leisure! And all those marketers probable have something when they claim that vacations bring families closer. Its simply the quantity of time the family spends together without any distraction that does the trick. To top it is the joy of discovering new things together, eating good food and generally being happy. And being happy I think is a habit. D definitely got so much more comfortable with H as a result of all the time he spent with her during these breaks.

We loved both Pondicherry and Mahabalipuram. Pondicherry for its definite colonial French impressions, white buildings, laid back pace to life (we found the roads in the French quarter almost always deserted), short distances and Mahabalipuram for the lovely relics and the beaches. Would love to go back.

Some random test

Your Dominant Intelligence is Interpersonal Intelligence

You shine in your ability to relate to and understand others. Good at seeing others' points of view, you get how people think and feel. You have an uncanny ability to sense true feelings, intentions, and motivations. A natural born leader, you are great at teaching and mediating conflict. You would make a good counselor, salesperson, politician, or business person.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Vacation - back to back

Gasp..Admire...Envy.. We took a vacation yet again. This was a more planned one. H took a week off and we decided to drive to Pondicherry.

The drive was wonderful. The roads are mostly good, and it didn't feel long at all. We were planning to take the Bangalore-Hosur-Krishnagiri-Chengam-Tiruvannamalai-Gingee-Tindivanam-Pondicherry route.


We set out at 8:30 am from home. We also inaugurated the car seat. At this point, I must stop and gloat over my wonderful daughter. This was the first time she sat in the car seat and we were expecting that she would refuse to sit in it. But there was no fuss at all.

We stopped at Konark at Residency road for a drive in breakfast. After that we drove on till Tiruvannamalai where we stopped for lunch. After asking around we stopped at Aryas High Class Restaurant. Don't understand the concept but there was no class at all in that place. D as usual put on her "please say hello to me.." look for all the waiters. It has reached a point where I have to request the waiters, lift-men or any other person helping us with anything anywhere to talk to her. She looks so longingly at them.

Tiruvannamalai has a huge temple. We drove around it. The very scale of it is impressive. After TV we drove continuously to reach Pondicherry a little after 4 pm.


At this point we had no reservations in any hotel. We vaguely knew where we might stay but we didn't know where that place was and didn't have the phone number. But we had the Lonely Planet (Yes, we are like that only!) that had the address of Pondicherry Tourist Centre. So we went there and got the address, maps etc. Getting to the hotel wasn't difficult as Pondicherry is very small and the streets (and maps) are well-marked.

Our hotel was Le Dupleix.


It was the Governor's house during the British Raj. It has been renovated and transformed beautifully into this boutique hotel. We fell in love with this place and the hotel staff fell in love with D. She was immediately plucked out from my arms and we were advised to go and rest. Fearing a meltdown I hovered around to recover my daughter from loving arms and we went into our room.

Our room was lovely and I wanted to jump up and down and squeal,"Its so pretty" but the porter was explaining how to make coffee and I had to be content just looking at H with very bright eyes. The room was duplex (No thats not the reason for the name of the hotel, thats named after a Governor) one - with the bathroom and a sitting area (with red-oxide flooring!!!!!!)downstairs. Winding wooden stairs took us to our bedroom. I got so many ideas for our house from this room. Oh and yes yes; the bathroom! It was red. That stole my heart right away. The bathing area was right in the middle of the bathroom and you had to climb down 2 small steps to get into it.


.....to be continued.....

I don't want to talk to you!

These days one of my major concerns is that D will be really slow to learn to talk. This because I feel I don't talk enough and there is no one else with her all day. Rest of the time when there are other people in the house - well brevity is a virtue!

So I am consciously making an effort to talk to D. She intently looks at me when I am making funny faces and noises. The moment I start talking to her, she does a "Hmmmm" and looks away. Sigh!!!

Vacation at last

So after a year and a half we finally managed to take a vacation. For full 3 days in lush green Kerala. The Husband (henceforth referred to as H) read about the Chambakulam Boat Race in Kerala in one of the in-flight magazines and since we live by the book and do things that are written in books we had to see this boat race. So calls were made, flight bookings done and we were set for the first vacation of the Daughter's (henceforth referred as D) life. My friend from from Kerala told us of this resort near Allepey called Keraleeyam which, according to him, was awesome (on further probing the awesomeness had a lot to do with the cottages having open bathrooms).

Keraleeyam is a very pretty and cozy place. Not too big. Though it was huge for us as we were the only guests there. Off season you see. Though we would have liked not to feel like morons who have no idea when to holiday, it was a blessing as we got great service and D received a lot of attention by all the staff. She in turn put on quite a show, cooing and gurgling to all and sundry (yes H, this is a good word to use here and it is used in common parlance - there again!), extending her arms to be picked up by strangers.


This is the cottage we stayed in.

The food was extremely good. They do not serve pre-prepared food so you have to give your order at least 2 hours in advance. The Kerala preparations were really yummy. Unfortunately there aren't too many of those on the menu. The other preparations are quite interesting. We ordered egg-chilly one night. I didn't know in Kerala egg bhurji adorned with curry leaves becomes egg chilly.

The boat race was good fun. Everyone was out there to have fun and there was a lot of energy and music all around. Guess a lot of it had to do with ample liquor consumed. Whatever it was, the atmosphere was quite infectious and you suddenly felt uplifted. The snake boats with numerous rows of men dressed in white looked awesome. On each boat there were some 5-6 people standing in the centre cheering the rowers. They packed in so much energy and enthusiasm in the cheering. A lot of old men in the cheerleaders. Loved the rhythm in the rowing and cheering.I was delighted to spot 2 women teams too. I later learnt from the newspaper that they were participating in an exhibition race. Sigh!

Some observations:

1. D is very social as mentioned above. She also loves books or just likes the taste of paper. She would discard all her toys and attack whatever we were reading.
2. Once you have a baby, you can spend the entire vacation without reading a book.
3. Not everyone has the appetite for an open bathroom.
4. When you are in the bathroom and the water runs out, its not enough to shout out "There is no water" to husband. You need to say, "There is no water. Please call the reception so that I can get water in the bathroom. This will help me complete my bath." Anything less specific and you may come out of the bathroom minutes later to find your husband engrossed in his book. When you express your disbelief you will learn that husbands wait to discuss the situation at hand before they take action!
5. A showroom of GM cars can be poetically called GeeYem Motors (P) Ltd.
6. When a Mallu friend tells you that it can get cold in Kerala during monsoons, don't rush to pack 10 sweaters for the family. What he actually means is that there will be some breeze which will partially dry your perspiration!
7. Why is it so difficult to get tender coconut water in Kerala? It really beats me but we didn't manage to get it even once during are 3 day stay.
   

The best Dosa ever..

I like Dosas, but not so much that I would do a post on it. But then yesterday happened and something changed in my life. I have had the Dosa of my life! Excuse the hyperbole. I am theatrical.

Act 1 - I search on the net for a good Dosa place in Bangalore. "Central Tiffin Rooms" in Malleswaram has received rave reviews in umpteen links. So I zero down on CTR to visit over the weekend.

Act 2 - We drive down to the address mentioned in one of the links, en route to the airport to drop Husband. After asking two gentlemen (everyone seems to know the place) we reach the place. It is located at the corner of Margosa road, close to Malleswaram circle. Like all things legendary, it leaves a few things to imagination. Like why it would have a sign board that says "Sree Sagar" in Kannada when no one knows it by that name?

CTR looks nondescript and Husband turns around to give me a look that says "This is the place?". Ma runs inside to save Daughter from the chilly breeze. She plans to put daughter on a sofa. But there are no sofas. There are only elementary tables and chairs and the place is teeming with people. The person at the counter offers that he would have our order sent to the car. So we go back into the car and wait. Ma and Husband look surprised and sceptical about my promise of taking them for the best Dosa in Bangalore.

Act 3 - After what seems like a long wait (for the record, its always a bad idea to stop at a popular restaurant on the way to the airport to catch a flight) our Dosas finally arrive. They look good. Not the huge ones that we are used to seeing. They are small ones and they look golden, truly golden. With the first bite, I know that this is the best tasting Dosa I have ever had (notwithstanding all the oil). It is crisp yet so soft inside. And the taste is really pleasurable (for lack of a better word). Usually Dosas leave an unpleasant after taste, but not this one. I relish each bite. Everyone is pleased and I silently pat myself on the back. We want to have more but are running short of time. So we are left with the feeling of wanting a little bit more of it (the feeling so important in all performances).

Act 4 - Husband catches flight.

Treading the much trodden

You have been asking me start a blog for so long now. Finally decided to acquiesce! Desperately hoping that this blog will see beyond a few posts and improve my writing skills (at this point I want to use a smiley; but that wouldnt be good writing, would it?).

So I dedicate this blog to you - you who have been after me to start it.